Does this ever happen to you?
You have a meeting with a colleague or your management team. Everyone nods in agreement. You leave thinking the way forward is clear. And yet, a week later, the same issue is back on the table and nothing has shifted at all.
You might find yourself wondering: “Why aren’t they stepping up? Did they not hear me? Or are they just not committed?”
Here’s the truth:
Often the problem isn’t a lack of commitment – it’s a lack of connection. People don’t always feel fully heard in conversations, and if they don’t feel understood, they’re far less likely to act with ownership.
In my work with voluntary sector leaders and teams, I’ve seen this pattern countless times. Leaders think they’re listening – they maintain eye contact, they nod, they even paraphrase. But beneath the surface, their mind is racing ahead:
- “How can I fix this quickly?”
- “What’s the advice I should give here?”
- “When can I make my point?”
That’s not listening. That’s waiting to speak.
And when staff sense that dynamic, they may leave the meeting with the words “yes” on their lips but uncertainty in their minds. Without clarity, ownership weakens. The issue circles straight back again to you.
Why does this happen?
Most of us were never really taught how to listen. We assume it’s automatic – after all, we all have ears. But real listening takes practice and intention. Stephen Covey’s famous quote reminds us that “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
It shows up in very familiar ways:
- Offering solutions before the other person has finished.
- Jumping in with “Yes, but…”
- Reassuring without engaging: “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine.”
- Or telling our own story to “top” theirs.
Each of these habits shuts down genuine dialogue. Instead of leaving with a sense of clarity and ownership, your colleague leaves the conversation feeling unheard, overlooked, or even dismissed.
So what’s the alternative?
This is where active listening comes in. Active listening is more than being silent while someone talks. It’s about putting your attention fully on the other person so they feel seen, heard, and understood.
That means:
- Slowing down and really noticing — words, tone, body language, even what’s unsaid.
- Checking back with them: “So what I’m hearing is…”
- Acknowledging feelings: “It sounds like this has been really frustrating for you.”
- Asking open questions: “Say more about what’s been getting in the way.”
You’re not agreeing with everything they say. You’re showing that their perspective matters. And when people feel heard, they’re much more willing to take responsibility for solutions.
Does it always work?
Of course, there are times when you need to be directive e.g. in a crisis, when safeguarding is at stake, or where clarity of instruction is essential. But most of the day-to-day challenges in the workplace benefit far more from dialogue than directive, one-sided talking from the manager.
What difference does it make?
I’ve seen leaders transform their team dynamics by shifting into more active listening. The results?
- Clearer agreements that actually stick.
- Less time spent repeating the same conversations.
- More trust and openness — so issues surface earlier, before they escalate.
- A stronger sense of shared ownership across the team.
What can you try this week?
Here are two small steps you can put into practice right away:
- Before your next meeting, pause. Take a few deep breaths, clear your mind of what you want to say, and set an intention to listen with curiosity.
- Reflect back one key point. In your next conversation, try saying: “Can I check I’ve got this right — you’re saying…” and summarise what you’ve heard. Notice how the other person responds when they feel understood.
Final thought:
People don’t need you to agree with everything they say. They need to know you’ve heard them. That’s the foundation for trust, for action, and for a team that truly works together.
