Interpersonal Conflict

Chinese Whispers in Difficult Conversations Mary Rafferty Consensus Mediation

Don’t Play Chinese Whispers In Difficult Conversations!

“I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant” (Alan Greenspan, American Economist)  It’s so easy to mishear and misunderstand what others are saying to us and vice verse, particularly when tensions are starting to rise. Here’s a simple …

Don’t Play Chinese Whispers In Difficult Conversations! Read More »

Relationships that endlessly Frustrate Mary Rafferty Consensus Mediation

Relationships That Endlessly Frustrate: Can The Dynamic Be Changed?

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” ~ Anaïs Nin The above quote neatly captures the psychological phenomenon, that while there is a factual and concrete reality out there, none of us have a truly objective view. There can be many different perceptions of the same situation. As an …

Relationships That Endlessly Frustrate: Can The Dynamic Be Changed? Read More »

Emails…Are You Trigger Happy? Read This Before You Press ‘Send’

In the late eighties I taught in Germany on a two-year Business English programme. One of the course handbooks focused solely on writing business letters in English. The students were schooled in great detail on the etiquette and nuances of letters and memos in a variety of business contexts. These ranged from sales to commissioning …

Emails…Are You Trigger Happy? Read This Before You Press ‘Send’ Read More »

Are you in Parent Child or Adult mode in at Work Mary Rafferty Consensus Mediation

Are You In ‘Parent’, ‘Child’ Or ‘Adult’ Mode (Or All 3!) At Work?

“But what if you needed to give her a telling off…” This was the comment of a participant in a recent ‘Difficult Conversations’ training session with a group of managers. The discussion was around the room layout and whether the manager should sit behind a desk or not, when giving negative feedback to an employee. …

Are You In ‘Parent’, ‘Child’ Or ‘Adult’ Mode (Or All 3!) At Work? Read More »

All Conflict Leads Back to Ourselves Mary Rafferty Consensus Mediation

All Conflict Leads Us Back To Ourselves

Many years ago I worked quite closely with another colleague. Overall, we had a pretty good working relationship, but some disagreements also as to how things should be done and what the best course of action was to take. I remember clearly at times finding those disagreements quite difficult: my colleague didn’t really like to …

All Conflict Leads Us Back To Ourselves Read More »

How to say No and minimise conflict Mary Rafferty Consensus Mediation

How to Say ‘No’ the Right Way

When invited to outline their key challenges in ‘Difficult Conversations’ / ‘Managing Conflict’ courses, being able to say ‘no’ effectively to a request or a demand is high on most participants wish lists. Delving a little deeper, concerns that emerge around turning someone down or setting a boundary on an aspect of their behaviour or …

How to Say ‘No’ the Right Way Read More »

Bringing out the best in People Mary Rafferty Consensus Mediation

Bringing Out The Best In People: A Social Cognitive Neuroscience Perspective (Part 2)

Did you ever play team sports as a child? If you were anything like me (two left feet!), you were the last one picked for the basketball team. Not only that, but you spent most of the game desperately hoping someone would take pity on you and you’d get thrown the ball just once in …

Bringing Out The Best In People: A Social Cognitive Neuroscience Perspective (Part 2) Read More »

How High is your EQ Mary Rafferty Consensus Mediation

How High Is Your Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?

Internationally renowned neuroscientist, Antonio Damasio, tells the story of one patient known as Elliot. He was a successful manager in a large corporation, married with a family. He was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor which was successfully removed with surgery. However, afterwards he was a completely changed man. His ability to make decisions was …

How High Is Your Emotional Intelligence (EQ)? Read More »

Jumping to Conclusions- Look before you Leap Mary Rafferty Consensus Mediation

Jumping To Conclusions – Look Before You Leap

Imagine this situation: you are walking down the corridor at work and a colleague is coming the other way. You say ‘hi’ in a bright and friendly tone and this person barely looks at you, has a cross look on their face and hardly greets you. What assumptions would you make about why the person …

Jumping To Conclusions – Look Before You Leap Read More »

Which Wolf will i Feed Interpersonal Conflict Mary Rafferty Consensus Mediation

Which Wolf Will You Feed? Interpersonal Conflicts

A few weeks ago, I became embroiled in an interpersonal conflict situation. The details of who said what and when, are incidental. The key point is that I was annoyed, angry, upset et cetera by actions of the other person. Equally, they had similar reactions to actions that I took. What’s been interesting since then …

Which Wolf Will You Feed? Interpersonal Conflicts Read More »